Tantrums: Definition, causes and 7 methods for preventing them

A tantrum is an intense emotional outburst usually shown by small children, characterised by loud crying, screaming, hitting or even throwing objects. These episodes often appear when the child faces frustration, tiredness or the inability to express their emotions and needs clearly. In psychological terms, a tantrum is considered a natural reaction of the child to situations perceived as overwhelming, especially in the first years of life, when the mechanisms of emotional self-regulation are not yet fully developed.

Although tantrums are frequent and part of a child’s normal development, they can be difficult for parents and carers, especially when they happen in public or at inconvenient moments. Understanding the causes behind these episodes and applying suitable management strategies can help reduce their intensity and frequency. Instead of being seen as simple “fits of temper”, tantrums should be seen as learning opportunities, through which children start to develop self-control and the ability to express their emotions in a healthier way.

In order to prevent as many tantrum episodes as possible, it is important to identify and remove the triggers. A first step is keeping a stable routine for the child, because predictability helps them feel safe and know what to expect. A regular schedule for sleep, meals and play reduces tiredness and hunger, which are frequent causes of tantrums. Giving warnings before important transitions (for example, “in five minutes we have to leave the park”) can also help the child prepare emotionally for the change.

Another essential aspect is developing the child’s communication skills. Encouraging the use of words in order to express emotions and needs can reduce the frustration that leads to tantrums. Parents can introduce role play or picture books about emotions in order to help the child understand and name what they feel. Offering simple choices (“Do you want to wear the red T-shirt or the blue one?”) can also give the child a sense of control, thereby reducing the need to resort to tantrums in order to assert their independence.

A calm and patient environment is also key in preventing emotional outbursts. If parents react to the child’s behaviour with anger or frustration, the child will learn that intense emotions are handled through strong reactions. Modelling calm and empathetic behaviour, on the other hand, will help them learn how to regulate their emotions. When the child starts to become irritated, distracting their attention towards a pleasant activity or a hug can prevent the situation from escalating.

Not least, consistency in applying rules and limits is essential. If parents are firm and clear about which behaviours are acceptable and which are not, the child will learn the expectations more quickly. At the same time, rewarding positive behaviour through praise and encouragement (“I like how you said what you wanted without crying”) will reinforce the healthy alternatives to tantrums.

Tantrums are frequent in preschoolers, because they are still learning to regulate their emotions and to express their needs in a suitable way. At this age, children can become frustrated quickly when they do not get what they want or when they are not able to complete a task. Their verbal communication is still developing, and the lack of the right words to express their feelings can make them react through crying, screaming or even hitting. At this stage, patience and emotional support from parents are essential in helping them manage frustration better.

As children grow and start their first years of school, tantrums tend to become rarer, but they can still appear, especially in situations of stress or change. Young school-age children start to understand social rules better, but they can have difficulty managing strong emotions, such as anger or disappointment. Their outbursts can be more subtle than those of preschoolers and can show themselves through withdrawal, persistent crying or a refusal to cooperate. It is important for parents and teachers to offer them emotional support and to teach them constructive strategies for regulation, such as deep breathing or using words in order to express what they feel.

In order to reduce the frequency of tantrums in older children, it is essential to teach them to express their emotions in a suitable way and to develop problem-solving skills. Encouraging independence, offering choices and setting clear and consistent rules are key aspects of this process. Taking part in activities that allow them to use up their energy and to express their emotions, such as sport or art, can also be beneficial. With appropriate support and guidance, children gradually learn to cope with frustration in a more mature and balanced way.